Out of the Woods (or how far i have come)

So I have been a bit quiet on the blogging front, I guess mainly because I have had little change or news. I'm still awaiting my Gamma Knife treatment which should be happening anytime soon, and I guess if i'm honest with myself the wait is starting to get to me.

Maybe its the lack of sleep as of late, maybe its some recent news that I will not discuss here which threw up some old emotions that I had thought I had previously dealed with, maybe its because some pains never really go they just simmer under the surface waiting to come to the fore but today for the first time in a while I had a real good cry. It was as ever to music which I find is one of the few trigger points still for me, I had a real good sob and then sat reflected and felt suitably inspired to write. So in a sense its a good thing, It already feels pretty cathartic just typing how I feel out.

There's only so long you can be strong for you see, only so many times you can tell people and yourself that you are “Ok” with what has happened and what you have subsequently lost is something that you are dealing with fine. Most days I am ok with it, I guess today is not one ot those days.

Don't be confused this post is no cry for help, as I type I can feel the negative sad emotions begin to slowly melt away. This is a reminder to myself that I have come so far already and even though I have still some way to go till the finishing line, its beginning to come into sight so now is no time to get down in the dumps about things.

So much like my favourite Tv doctor House MD today

I have done some really cool things recently as well so I gotta be pleased about that, I got my first tattoo which I fully intend to get finished when I eventually get the all clear in a few years

For those not in the know my tattoo is some album art by probably my favourite band Modest Mouse. The anchor is to me symbolic of the bad times and the balloon is the hope for the good times still to come and the piece as a whole is a reminder to not allow myself to be dragged by whats happened. 

I continue to play and make as much music as possible something that as recent as December I could not do, which I am pleased with, I have challenged myself to write a whole album before the years out. Here is some definitive proof of this:

And if that is not enough of an indicator that I am getting better, this certainly is. Its part of the forgotten hospital experience, a note I wrote my best friend Benjamin when my speech went in Nottingham I think, I say I think I have no memory of this!

If you cant make it out it says "Just checking that I can still read and write normally, Ben Broughton is a knob! Don't understand why i can't verbally communicate properly! My brain has clearly gone a bit wrong! Apologies Kids!"

I can now most days verbally communicate fine, it still gets a bit broken down when i get tired or stressed but its a massive improvement from what it was!

So as a reminder to myself and my big beautiful broken brain, we got this fool! Sure there's still plenty more of ups and downs to come, challenges to face, hills to climb. However we have come so far in such a short time, so be happy, we're alive, relatively well and the future is fairly bright. Now if Sheffield can send me my appointment anytime now and Manchester United finish in the top 4, this year will get much much better!

Thanks as ever.

Adam.